From Sin to Freedom: Discover God’s Purpose Through Surrender

 I was exhausted and I was at my breaking point.
I would wake up and ask God, “Why?”
Why did You give me another day? Why did You breathe air into my lungs?
What’s my purpose? Why am I here?

I had a new apartment. A new marriage. Two cars. Two dogs that loved each other. On the outside, everything looked beautiful. But if you looked in the inside? I felt empty. Unfulfilled. Guilty. Ungrateful.

For 15 years, I was caught in a cycle, weed numbed me and alcohol confused me. I turned 30 last October and I knew, I couldn’t bring the my sinful habits into this new decade. But the truth is, I struggled. A lot. Growing up I watch the adults around me settle in their struggle and sin. They battled addiction, they fought with their finances, depression and the weight of the world. Eventually they ceased and gave into their sin.

As a child all I wanted was true happiness and to be loved. I promised myself that I would always strive for happiness but that endeavor resulted in me fulfilling those needs in dangerous places. I indulged in weed consistently, I drowned my feelings in alcohol and I craved the of feeling lust. Those substances worked temporarily but it came to a point when these solutions began creating more pain in my life than they did relief.

I was paralyzed with anxiety, I was stuck in stagnation and I lived a life that felt dull but I knew God had more for me. I listened to testimonies at church about how people were instantly freed from their cravings of sin. I’d sit there wondering, “When will that happen for me?”

The church I attended started a new series called “Glorified in the Highest” and the questions I had been crying out for, God began to answer.

Who was I ?

1 Peter 2:9 call us  “a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession…”

Why am I here ?

Isaiah 43:7 says “Everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory…”

And the question that sat heavy on my chest…
“What is my purpose?”  this was more simple than I previously thought. . . To give God glory in the highest form.

The shift didn’t come until I got brutally honest with myself and God. I loved the things of this world more than I loved God. In the beginning of lent this year I finally decided to let go. I cried out in surrender, letting God know I couldn’t do this by myself, that I needed Him and I wanted to love him more than the things I used to numb my pain.

It was only when I was honest, God began to change my desires and the shift in my life began. The fog began to lift. And I started to see the woman God always saw when He looked at me.

All it took was a full surrender to God, a desperate cry for mercy, a plea for help and restoration.

He began to renew my mind, teach me my authority and soften my heart. If you’re walking through something similar, questioning your purpose and the will over your life, I just want you to know…
You are not alone. The Lord hears your cry and He will relieve your anguish.

“I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
    he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me,
    I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me,
    the anguish of the grave came over me;
    I was overcome by distress and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
    Lord, save me! The Lord is gracious and righteous;
    Our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the unwary;
    When I was brought low, he saved me.”

-Psalm 116

If this post spoke to you, I’d love to share more. In my YouTube video, I open up about surrendering to God in my 30s and how He transformed my life. Watch here.”