Looking back on that painful season, I now see that God was showing me that all I ever truly needed was Him. I was newly engaged and preparing to be married in six months. For many, this is one of the happiest seasons of their lives, but for me, it became a time I now look back on with gratitude, because it was when God protected me from deep pain and betrayal.
The heartbreak that changed everything
Two months before my wedding, my maid of honor, my best friend of over fifteen years, texted me to say she wouldn’t be able to attend. She gave no explanation, and shortly after, cut off all communication with me. Losing someone I had shared so much of my life with was heartbreaking and became the first of many heartaches that followed.
As the first woman in my family to walk through the process of marriage, I had always pictured a day filled with love, laughter, and the joyful support of my family. But that dream didn’t unfold the way I had imagined. I remember walking down the aisle and noticing how few familiar faces were there. Most of the guests were my husband’s friends and family. I was devastated that the people I loved most weren’t there to witness one of the most meaningful moments of my life.
When life fell apart after “I do”
Shortly after getting married, the peaceful image I had of marriage began to crumble. Everything I imagined started falling apart.
We were living in my family’s vacant home, trying to build a life together. Three months in, we were asked to leave, no reason, no plan, no backup. I was still job hunting. We had just moved, had no savings, and were newly married. The weight of uncertainty crushed me.
The decision paralyzed us. My husband and I felt like failures. Our fresh marriage was already breaking under pressure. Pain and resentment filled our hearts.
My mother-in-law graciously opened her doors to us. As we packed the U-Haul, devastation sank deep into my chest.
“My marriage will be over.”
“I’ve failed as a wife.”
“We’ll never get out of this.”
“How could my own family do this to me?”
When I couldn’t carry it anymore
I tried everything to escape the darkness, journaling, exercising, eating healthy, staying busy, applying for jobs, but nothing worked.
My body gained weight, my hope disappeared, and I felt like I had no reason to keep going.
After one painful conversation with my grandmother, I finally broke. I cried out to God, unable to carry the agony any longer.
But He had been listening all along.
“I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.”
– Psalm 116
When God met me in my brokenness
One morning, I woke up with a sudden urge to go to church. I told my husband, and together we searched for one nearby. He found a church that welcomed me exactly as I was, broken, hurting, and searching. From the moment I walked through those doors, God began to pull me close. He started speaking into my situation, and for the first time in a long time, I felt something new.
Hope.
God was renewing my mind. He began healing the emptiness, showing me that I was never a mistake, that I had always been loved.
Understanding the Father’s Love
When I look back on that season of my life, I expect to feel the pain I once carried, but instead, I feel the immeasurable love of a Father for His daughter. In the depth of my weakness, God was always meant to be my strength. Now I can see that His provision never left me, even when I couldn’t recognize it.
Today, I would tell 28-year-old Angelica that the love and support you longed for from family and friends were never meant to fill you, those were spaces only God could occupy. And through His love and faithfulness, you will finally feel whole.
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
Lamentations 3:22-23
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
1 Corinthians 2:9 says, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him.”
My brother or sister in Christ, I encourage you to hold tightly to this promise in the midst of your trials. Remind yourself daily that God’s love and purpose for your life are unshakable. The very trials you’re enduring right now will soon become your testimony.
I often think of the refiner’s fire, how God sometimes allows us to walk through the flames to purge away impurities, contamination, and anything that distorts His image in us. When we come out of that fire, our likeness to Jesus Christ begins to shine more clearly.
As much as we long to escape the fire, I pray you embrace this season with confidence — knowing that when it’s over, you’ll look back with gratitude for all Jesus has done.
Peace, love, and mercy be multiplied to you.
— Angelica